Laugh and Cry

Laugh because it's funny. Cry because it's true.

Is It Selfish to Want to Be an FSO?

I'm normally above-average in the optimism department. Some people have the brain chemistry to make them a Debbie Downer, but I am not one of those people (even when things suck). However, I've found that over the last couple of years, I have begun to be increasingly pessimistic about the future. Especially when it comes to the state of the US economy.

There are a lot of reasons for this, most of them having to do with my specialization in the structured finance field, and watching friends and colleagues see their careers and livelihoods implode over the last three years. So maybe my pessimism is a form of post-traumatic stress, but it's hard to feel confident about the economy. You know it's not a good sign when economists from opposite spectra of analysis start getting gloomy.

Which brings me to the topic of my post. I am ashamed to admit this, but my desire for joining the Foreign Service has a new basis - some financial/career stability. I know that's not a guarantee, especially if things really went to heck in a hand basket. Joining the Foreign Service is not a guarantee of lifelong employment. There's the issue of getting tenure; not to mention the question of whether this career move is the right thing for my family. I think it is, but I'm not sure you could ever know until you're actually doing it.

Compared to what's going on in the banking, finance and legal industries, working for State certainly seems a lot more stable. Obviously, career/financial security is not the only reason. But reading the WSJ and FT is turning into torture. It would be great if I enjoyed reading absolutely miserable stats all day, but frankly, I like rainbows and sprinkles occasionally. And I can't help feeling selfish for wanting to be a public employee at the same time that the global financial situation seems to be gearing for another round of crashing. I'm starting to get really itchy to get an offer and into an A-100 before another Lehman incident occurs and the government has no choice but to close its doors for the foreseeable future.

As of today on the register, I am steady at 38 out of 85.

Poetry Interlude

On Pain

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses
your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its
heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem
less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that
pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the
winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within
you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy
in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by
the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has
been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has
moistened with His own sacred tears.

Khalil Gibran

Being a Father

1,403 days ago I became a father. I can honestly say that I feel like I'm the one who got lucky on this deal. Everyday I wake up to my oldest's footsteps clomping down the hall and I think to myself, "Dear God, it's 6 am, please go back to sleep!" After a shower and a coffee, though, I realize how blessed I am. Caetlin and Phoebe, thank you for being my daughters. Here's one of my favorite pictures of the girls showing that, even at the grand ages of 3.5 and 1.5, they know I'm not cool enough.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being on the Register

So last week I decided to check where I was on the register. The ever helpful Ms. Tamale Walton told me I was #35 out of 85 fellow Econ FSO-wannabes. A month ago I was #29, a month before that I was #39, so I seem to be staying relatively put. So far, I think I have a good shot at getting "the call" once I take myself off of DNC later this year. Both the June A-100 and August A-100 dipped into scores lower than mine. Barely much lower, but lower all the same. That should reassure me, but when I read the A-100 boards clamoring about how the registers are getting longer and longer and people are getting higher and higher scores, I start to worry that this whole decision to go DNC was not the brightest. I especially feel that way when I have friends and co-bloggers getting into the June and August classes.

Please note, unlike some of the conspiracy theorists out there, I don't think State is getting easier with its Oral Assessment grading policy. I think the economy is just driving a lot of people who are exceedingly well-qualified into taking the FSOT, which is resulting in the profusion of higher scores the last year or so. I just pray that I can keep my place in the 30's long enough. I am really scared of the register ballooning even more over the next 4-5 months; or, even worse, a hiring freeze hitting State at the end of the year. I thought things would be easier once I was on the register, but it's not. I can't imagine how terrible it is to go through this process only to fade off the register. I now have even more mad respect for the people who decide to do this more than once.

My plan is to try and get into the first A-100 class of next year. I don't believe next year's budget has been finalized yet so it's hard to prognosticate, but hopefully they will have a January 2011 A-100; and hopefully I'll be in it. In the interim, I'm going to start burnishing my really rusty Japanese in order to take the language exam to boost my score.

I really hate the waiting and watching. October-ish can't get here soon enough.

I Love the Smell of Bureaucracy in the Morning

From Merriam-Webster Online:

bu·reau·cra·cy

Pronunciation: \byu̇-ˈrä-krə-sē, byə-, byər-ˈä-\

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural bu·reau·cra·cies

Etymology: French bureaucratie, from bureau + -cratie -cracy

Date: 1818

1 a : a body of nonelective government officials b : an administrative policy-making group
2 : government characterized by specialization of functions, adherence to fixed rules, and a hierarchy of authority
3 : a system of administration marked by officialism, red tape, and proliferation

Now check this video out (I think you will agree that definition #3 is clearly in action):

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid90167599001?bctid=90270310001

My friend, who made this video, was the former president of this HOA board (he was voted out after several years as a benevolent dictator). If you can get through this video without cringing, I salute you. Just shows you that you don't need that many people to make a bureaucracy. I'll update to add this video to my webpage once my friend uploads it to YouTube.

Diplomatic Cables Leaked?

Story is here. Dead Men Working have already blogged about this here.

One part of me is incredibly outraged that any American citizen would do this - and double enraged that a government employee would violate his ethical duties and commit such a crime. I truly, truly hope that this information is incorrect and just an idiot boasting. If he did steal the cables, then I pray he hasn't leaked them. I can not begin to imagine the damage this could do not just to the interests of the United States, but to the careers, livelihoods and even safety of diplomatic and military personnel overseas. Just sickening.

The other part of me, and I'm not proud, would be really interested in reading current, first-hand work product of our diplomats.