UPDATE: The State Department has issued a statement here. As you would expect, this heartbreaking news is all over the FS blogs. More information seems to indicate that the victims might have been targeted, and the more depressing news is that the children of the victims were present at the time of the murders. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Three uber-FS bloggers, Consul-at-Arms, Diplopundit and Digger at Life After Jerusalem have posted about it. Zoe at Something Edited This Way Comes asks, "What Would You Do?" For myself, I would have no issue with immediately sending my wife and kids back to the States. If the risk is enough for the State Department to approve the evacuation of family and dependents, that would be enough for me because, quite simply, my family is everything to me. This news struck home for David at EF'M: The Life of an FSO Spouse. David is waiting to go with his FSO spouse to their first post in Hermosillo, Mexico.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Border Tragedy
For anyone who has lived in a border state, the violence that occasionally spills across from Mexico is nothing new. Sadly, a State department employee and her husband (both Americans), as well as the husband of a consulate employee, were shot and killed in Juarez today. My prayers go out to their families. Story from MSNBC is here. For those travelling to Mexico, a State Department travel alert is here.
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8 comments:
Thanks for the mention.
Wife and kids might have a major problem just leaving you in that situation. Just saying.
I'm struggling with the bind this must put FSO families in. The non-FSO spouse would seem to have an obligation to take the children to safety, but that would mean having to leave the FSO spouse in danger. Not appealing.
-Mrs. FSOWannabe
I've linked back to you here: http://consul-at-arms2.blogspot.com/2010/03/re-border-tragedy.html
While I applaud Mrs. FSOW's spirit, as an FSO and a husband I'm sure I'd be more effective (and safer) if I knew my loved ones weren't in danger.
I'm not suggesting that I would want to stay in a dangerous position, necessarily. Just that it is an impossible choice, and something we FSOWannabes will need to discuss as FSOWannabe's candidacy progresses. I completely get that you, Consul-At-Arms, would be more effective if your family is out of danger, but what of your spouse? In our case, FSO Wannabe would be sending me off to be a single parent, with no job and having to find a place to live in a hurry, while he was in danger. I'm not sure that I'm comfortable signing up for an analogue to military service, in that there would be long separations while my husband is endangered. And while *you* might be more effective if your family is out of danger, that kind of gives short shrift to what your family wants, doesn't it? I would be furious at being "sent away" like a child. Especially if I've worked to obtain a job and build a life at post. At the same time, I would feel an obligation to leave to protect my children, who most certainly didn't sign up for their lives to be endangered.
This is why I struggle with the question of "What would you do?". It's a scenario that troubles me greatly.
-Mrs. FSOWannabe
It's not an impossible choice, merely a difficult one. And you're absolutely right that you should talk this stuff out before Mr. FSOW ever raises his right hand and takes the oath of office.
Because FSOs aren't just employees. The both officers and members of the Foreign Service. There are obligations, written and unwritten, about their roles as such.
Even as I wrote my previous comment I knew I wasn't being explanatory enough. But from my military service, including wartime service in Iraq, let me be clear that what I mean about the FSO being more effective when he knows his family is elsewhere (and safe) is that his head will be "in the game" and he'll much less likely get himself or his colleagues hurt or killed by being distracted.
It's not always easy, and sometimes the spouse's role is the harder row to hoe
Mrs. FSO wannabe,
I get it. I really do. Do I want to give up all I have here for an adventure presumed to be together that ends up being me (alone) living somewhere that isn't home, without my stuff, single parenting?
We had an authorized evacuation from Caracas during my pregnancy medevac in 2002. My husband had to curtail his paternity leave to return to post (and once there, couldn't leave) and we had to extend our time in the States by an extra month.
It wasn't expected or fun, but we managed. If nothing else, that turn of events and three years on the Secretary's Detail made us an extremely flexible family. The separations are hard, but they do make the bonds stronger (not to sound wishy-washy).
We are now facing a UT this year, as my husband departs for Iraq in July. It won't be fun, but we made the decision to join the FS together, and regardless of the numerous separations, it has been well worth the ride. Whatever doesn't kill us just makes us stronger.
Definitely a great topic for discussion...
It is a crazy choice. I think it is something many families have struggled with at numerous posts over the years, though the border offers its own advantages and disadvantages.
One day it seems insane to leave, another day it seems insane to stay. Ultimately it really just depends on each family and the post they are at. On the border you also have to consider how often members of your family will be crossing the border. One of the Juarez incidents happened in sight of the bridge and we have had incidents near our crossing as well. In our case, we felt like there was no good choice. If we left, the officer would have wanted to come see us as much as possible, increasing the risk to the officer. If we stayed, we are all still at risk. Makes it a little hard to decide.
We decided to stay, for now. We try to minimize the risk and for us staying together did that. Every family is different. It is not easy but it works for us for now. That said, it could all change tonight. We have loved our posting here for many reasons and are hoping things calm down soon. Our hearts break for colleagues and friends in Juarez. Thank you for remembering them and everyone on the border.
From: An FS spouse/parent on the border
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